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Good sex explained in 9 minutes | Dr. Emily Nagoski
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We’ve operated on a 4-phase model for sex therapy since the ‘60s. “Virtually everything” was wrong with that, according to Dr. Emily Nagoski.

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How do you define sexual desire? It’s often thought of as a sparky force that strikes people spontaneously, such as when they catch a glimpse of someone whom they find attractive.

But that’s only one kind of desire. As sex educator Emily Nagoski tells Big Think, there’s also responsive desire, which is the desire we feel as a reaction to sexual stimuli, like touch and physical closeness.

As Nagoski explains, a better understanding of responsive desire can help improve the quality of long-term relationships, particularly by helping people realize that they don’t need to feel constant pressure to keep the sexual “spark” alive through spontaneous desire alone.

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0:00 Screw the spark
1:44 3 phases of sex therapy
3:19 The sexual excitation & inhibition systems
4:49 How to create pleasure
6:44 How to talk about sex
8:34 Pleasure is the measure

Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/series/the-big-think-interview/sexual-desire/

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About Emily Nagoski:
Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

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Read more of our stories on sex:
Orgasm gap: The insidious reason women have fewer orgasms than men
► https://bigthink.com/health/orgasm-gap-women-men/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=description
Kama Sutra isn’t just about sex. It’s a guidebook for pleasure
► https://bigthink.com/thinking/kama-sutra/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=description
What makes for a “great” sex life?
► https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/what-makes-great-sex-life/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=description

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